I still hold on to qualities of the maiden, yet I am not a child. I have acquired new qualities that feel strange to me because I am not yet a mother. I feel as if I am in a place that I am neither. I am at a point of No-Thingness. The No-Thingness is like the moment between an inhale and an exhale. Try it. Breathe in. Now breathe out. At the end of your inhale there is a pause. This pause is the No-Thingness. I do now know what is to happen next. This is life’s next surprise for me for which I am patiently waiting. I know what lies behind me, and I take what I have learned with me into the unknown.  That is where I am in life. I have inhaled and now I am waiting for my life to exhale.  I am influx, preparing for a transition that I am eager to make. I am the aspiring mother. I am Belladonna.

I feel that I am a strong individual and I am unencumbered by the need to conform. I feel that my power lies in the fact that I do not need to be liked. I love to be liked. I love even more to be loved, but then again who doesn’t? But I do not possess a “need”. Take that as it is. Not as a threat, but more as a truth. I do not worry about who likes me and who does not. Because of this, I can always be honest. I don’t believe in “sugar-coating”, if you will, because if you are strong enough to ask the question I promise to be strong enough to give you the honest answer. Whether you dislike me because of the answer I give is all up to you.

I, myself, am searching for answers all of the time. Maybe it’s not quite an answer that I’m looking for but maybe it’s more like enlightenment. My friend, I invite you to join me in the search.